For many, the topic of why pet loss is harder than other losses is often avoided. If it is talked about, we might be met with a side eye or someone gasping in offense. Surely, society will have an opinion.

Cards on the table. For many people, pet loss is harder to survive than the loss of a human loved one.

I’ve said it myself. I’ve heard from others. It’s real. But the fear of judgment that comes with it tends to insist we don’t share those emotions with many people. Perhaps even no one.

That fear is valid. Others won’t understand. They’ll dismiss your pain. Even shame you for feeling that way. 

No one grieving wants to have to justify their pain. And grief comparison or ranking is an unproductive endeavor anyway. 

The worst pain is your pain.

“I’m grieving more than I did when my “{insert human here} died. Is that awful?”,  “Does that mean I love my pet more than my person?”, “I definitely can’t tell anyone these thoughts, they’ll think I’m horrible.”

All things many grieving pet parents have thought, maybe wanted to say and definitely wished was understood. So, why is pet loss often described as the worst grief someone has gone through?

Pets embody safe, reliable, unconditional love 

A type of love that humans generally can’t offer. Not in the same way. A pet’s love is unconditional and reliable. 

They don’t care if you’re in a good mood or a dismal one. Don’t care if you have a million dollars or one. They don’t care what you drive, do for a living, or do for fun. Pets don’t mind if you’re an introvert or extrovert. You’re perfect in their eyes.

All your beloved pet cares about is that you are you. 

There is a safety in knowing that someone loves and trusts you with no critique, advice or expectations. Someone you can simply be yourself with, flawed and imperfect, yet fully accepted and adored.

Human love operates a bit differently. People come with expectations, complexities, and sometimes disappointments.

This is not to say that human love isn’t deeply meaningful and a fulfilling part of life. It just highlights why the love of a pet is an irreplaceable source of solace. 

We grieve for this unique love.

Humans don’t quite need us as much 

Pets are like toddlers in the adorable stage, and never grow out of it. They need us for most things, for their whole lives. To feed them, to go outside, to get veterinary care. They need us for enrichment and to know what kinds of toys they like, beds they’d choose and treats they live for. 

We become the ultimate caregivers for someone who will not learn to do it all on their own one day. What an immense privilege that is. 

The humans we love are (or become) independent. People are able to care for themselves much of the time or are able to verbalize what they need. 

Ultimately, this leads to pets becoming a huge part of our 24/7 routine. Life begins happily revolving around their needs and the desire to give them a full life. 

And what we put into caring for them, they wholeheartedly give back 110%. No questions asked.

We grieve for the nurturing, the purpose and the reciprocation. 

Pets can’t talk, yet we have deep connections with them

Words are complicated. The complexity of human relationships is marked by the fact that words can both hurt and soothe. Cut and heal. Make you cry and laugh. 

Words are complicated, but people love them.

Having a meaningful relationship with someone who has never been able to use spoken language to communicate, is pretty remarkable. We come to learn and rely on a special language of love and connection to know each other’s needs. 

While this is an endearing and important factor in the attachment we have with pets, it does leave one big void. 

Not having the ability to speak, in words, with them at the end of life. Humans often get this opportunity with other people. Without it in pet loss, there can be a sense of unfinishedness when saying goodbye.

A big paradox of pet love and loss. We need no words to live a happy, meaningful life together. But when it’s time to say farewell, a couple of spoken words could really be helpful. 

We grieve for not needing words and we grieve for not getting words.

They see us through so much 

A cherished pet is often who is by your side during the highest and lowest times of your life. They innately know how to comfort, even if that is just being nearby. They are a partner, best friend, therapist, and confidant all wrapped up into one.

Through the ups and downs, pets become an anchor to stability and normalcy. Even when life is anything but. Through life changes, like moves, careers, relationships and mental health, pets loyaly remain by your side. 

They become home base. The place you feel safe.

A cruel irony of pet loss is that when grieving so deeply, the longing for your reliable comfort exists only because you’re grieving the most trusted, reliable comfort you’ve known. 

We grieve for feeling tethered to constant, loving support.

All of this to say, while there is no need to compare grief, it’s validating for pet parents to know that something which has crossed your mind and weighed on your heart, is felt by others as well 

Loss in general is hard. Grief for someone who has been so significant to your day to day existence, triumphs, and survival rearranges everything.