20 Ways to Support a Grieving Pet Parent

It goes without saying that if you’re reading this, you’re a good friend, a caring soul and a compassionate person. It’s a wonderful thing to want to support a grieving pet parent. Knowing exactly how, is not always the most intuitive.

When someone you care about is hurting, sad and crying, it’s human nature to want to alleviate that. To lighten their spirits, to somehow make it better. If there is one takeaway from this post, let it be this; You can not make someone’s grief better or make it go away.

Grief is a process that a bereaved person must go through. Platitudes, silver linings and pointing out the brightside is actually the opposite of what a griever needs.

To be honest, it’s not hard to be a support to someone grieving. If you can dismiss feeling like they need to be “fixed”, what a griever needs is to be seen. For their grief to be witnessed and validated. To feel an ounce less alone, just by your presence. Words are not always even necessary. But we’re human and we tend to like words.

Below are 20 ways that you can support someone you care about, in grief. For the purposes of this post I’m going to use ___ where you’d use their cherished pet’s name.

5 Things to Say To Someone In Person

I could always tell what a connection you and ___ had. If you feel like talking, I’m here to listen.
Is it ok if I share one of my favorite memories of ___ with you?
I can’t know how your grief feels, but if there is any way I can support you, I want to.
I can see your pain and heartbreak. I know that ___ has been an extension of you.
I can’t take your hurt away, but I can be here with you, if that’s ok.

5 Things That May Be Helpful For a Grieving Friend

Bringing foods that are easy to eat or heat up and some bottles of water. Sometimes eating and drinking water are hard while grieving. Making it a little easier is a huge help.
Bringing or delivering flowers and/or a card with acknowledgement. Remember to avoid platitudes! No one grieving wants constant reminders that their loved one is in a better place or how lucky they were to have so many years together.
Offer yourself up for a walk, hike, to sit outside, or go to the beach. Even if they don’t want to talk, just sitting with someone can be very meaningful. Avoid asking what they need. Grief-brain is real and those grieving are exhausted mentally and physically. Pointedly asking what they need will likely result in the person saying “nothing” and retreating into themselves.
Often grievers need a certain amount of solitude. Extend yourself to them for texts or calls to talk, and let them take the lead. You can also ask, is it ok if I check on you tomorrow?
If your friend is isolating, don’t assume they’re broken. Grieving does not equal broken. You can show your support by respecting their need for privacy and even randomly bringing and leaving them something w/ a text, “I left you your favorite iced coffee outside by your door. I’ll text you later to check in”.

5 Things To Say That Respectfully Acknowledge and Support Grief by Text Message

I’m so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I’m here anytime you want to talk, text, share pictures or anything. Please remember that.
I’ve been keeping you and ___ in my heart. Sending you so much strength and big hugs.
I know you’re hurting badly. ___ has been such a huge part of you. Take time with your grief. I’m here if you need an ear or a shoulder.
Just checking in and sending love, no need to respond unless you want to. Keeping you close in my heart.
I’m sure everything is different and hard right now. I wish there was a way to make grief less painful. I’m here to listen and will be here when you’re ready.

5 Written Sentiments for Sympathy cards or notes

You and ___ have been in my thoughts and heart. I’m sorry for your heartbreaking loss. It’s always been so easy to see the love you have for each other. Sending strength and light your way.
Sending warm and loving thoughts to you. I know your world has changed with the loss of ___. I’m here if you want to talk or need anything.
You’ve been on my mind and in my heart. I could always tell that you and ___ share a profound love. I hope you can be gentle with yourself during this time. I’m here for you, however I can be.
I’m sorry for your heartbreaking grief. ___ has always brought smiles to anyone who met him/her. I feel lucky to be one of those people. I’ll continue keeping you in my heart and thoughts.
I’ve been thinking of you and ___. As you grieve, I wish you warm moments filled with sweet and cherished memories.

And, for good measure, 5 things to remember about those who are grieving.

When the rest of the world gets back to normal, grief can feel more and more isolating. Check on your grieving loved one in a month, 2 months, 6 months. So on and so forth.
Grievers don’t forget their grief or sadness, so don’t worry that checking in will “remind them”. This is a common reason that people have for not checking in. Trust me, they didn’t forget and genuine caring is not going to hurt more than it already does.
Along the same lines, say their pet’s name. Don’t avoid it (unless your friend has asked you to). As pet parents, we hope that our beloved pet’s name will always be spoken and they’ll always be talked about and outwardly remembered.
Remember the differences between sympathy, empathy and compassion. Sympathy = I feel bad for you. Empathy = I feel bad with you. Compassion = I see your pain and I’m here for you.
Don’t assume what has worked for you in past grief will work for your friend. Instead of outright offering advice, you can say “if you ever want me to, I could share some of the things that have helped me in grief before. I know it’s not the same, but sometimes it’s good to talk about what can slowly ease the pain.”

The number one, golden rule to being there for someone in grief, is literally just be there. It doesn’t cost anything and doesn’t require prepping a magical potion to make them better. The only ingredient is you and an openness to be present with and validate pet loss grief.