Supporting Other Pets In Grief After a Loss
When you’re grieving your pet and share your home with other animals, the loss is often felt throughout the entire household. Even if your pets weren’t especially close, those who shared routines, spaces, and quiet moments will notice the absence. When supporting other pets in grief it’s natural to wonder how best to help when you may feel lost yourself.
If your pet who passed was ill for some time, their housemate may have had a chance to sense change. They may even begin to adjust in advance. If your loss happened suddenly or unexpectedly, and they didn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye, their grief may seem more pronounced.
Just as you are learning to live in a changed world, they are too. And while animals do move through grief differently than we do, that doesn’t mean their loss is any less real.
Signs of Grief in Pets
A pet’s response to the passing of their buddy can vary just as widely as it does with people. Some may seem subdued or withdrawn, even sullen, while others can become more anxious, restless, or clingy. And still others might not express any change of temperament or routine.
The best thing you can do is just be observant of their behaviors. Animals are amazing. Their intuition, presence, and pack mindset will help them process grief and their place in the world now.
Common things you can keep a watchful eye for:
- Appetite changes. Eating less, eating more cautiously, or seeming disinterested.
- Increasingly asking for attention or, conversely, isolating more often.
- Searching behaviors, such as looking for their housemate, waiting in familiar spots, or being curious about areas of your home they have never been interested in before.
- Changes in sleep or restlessness at night.
- Changes in vocalization.
- Hesitancy or less interest in playtime, toys, walks, or favorite activities.
- Changes in routine behaviors (litter box habits or house training, grooming, seeking out ffavorite spots, knowing what time it is [i.e. dinnertime, bedtime])
How Long Might Grief Last for a Pet?
How long does grief last is a common question in general. It’s also common when it comes to wanting perspective on your other pets and when to worry whether their grief is normal.
There is no set timeline, but as a general rule, most pets begin to adjust over the course of weeks to a few months. During that time, you may notice ups and downs and some “off” days. Much like it is for us.
You might consider keeping notes of things that you’re noticing or feel concerning, such as eating changes, periods of isolation, or searching behaviors. This can help you notice patterns over time and make it easier to reflect on how they’re adjusting.
Remember that your own grief will not necessarily follow the same patterns or trajectory as theirs. It’s common to hear, “My pet is doing so much better than me.” That’s a testament that an animal’s grief process is different than a human’s.
Supporting Other Pets In Grief
It’s hard to watch your other pet grieve knowing you can’t have a spoken conversation with them about what they need or how to help.
Here’s a few ideas for supporting your other pet while they grieve:
Stick with routine as much as possible
Meal times, walks, playtime, and sleeping times can help create a sense of security for your pet when other things have changed. Some changes and flexibility are a natural part of grief, but familiar rhythms can be grounding for both you and your pet.
Keep familiar belongings available and accessible
Consider leaving out items that belonged to your pet who passed away. Familiar scents can help remaining pets process the absence in their own way. I also believe a pet’s distinct sense of smell may allow them to notice their companion’s scent gradually fading. In turn, that can help them process what’s happening. This may be especially helpful if they didn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye or be present at the end of life.
Offer attention and love without pressure
Some pets seek extra closeness while grieving, while others pull back a bit. Make time and space to be available for cuddles or affection when they are ready, without forcing interaction. Of course, occasional imposed hugs or cuddles is a common part of being a pet parent, so just follow their cues and pace.
Provide mental stimulation if and when they’re receptive to it
Enrichment or puzzle toys, snuffle mats, string toys or tunnels for cats and general low pressure activities can help pets re-engage without overwhelming them. (Using really good treats helps too.) Even if they are not interested immediately, they’ll come around when they’re ready.
Advocate for them when needed
If you are feeling uneasy about your pet’s wellbeing, anxiety, eating or bathroom habits, it can’t hurt to visit with your veterinarian. Grief affects pets emotionally, physically, and cognitively, just as it does in humans. While your pet grieving is normal, you know them best and are their strongest advocate.
Grief changes the rhythm of home for everyone, and it’s natural to worry about how your remaining pet or pets are coping. Just like with us, there is no single “right” way to grieve. Your care, patience, and presence will allow them to acclimate in their own time.
A few years ago, our oldest dog, Shammy, passed away at 16. We were all devastated. But I would have never thought that out of my other three pets, our cat would feel her loss the most. They weren’t enemies, but I wouldn’t have called them ‘friends’ either.
Sprinkle (the cat) spent two weeks searching everywhere for Shammy (including the unused-for-years fireplace). She began sleeping in strange places that she’d never even stepped foot near before. Nothing was terribly concerning, but clearly she was trying to understand and find her place in a world that suddenly changed.
Just as we were making accommodations to make her newfound spots more cat approved, she went back to her old spots and her old routines. As if she didn’t spend the last two weeks on a whirlwind tour of every inch of the house.
All that to say, animals are incredible and sometimes just witnessing their process, like we want ours witnessed, is exactly what they need as they adjust to part of the pack being gone.
