The intense emotional pain right after pet loss is disorienting and overwhelming. It feels like you’ve been catapulted into a world that you don’t remotely recognize or want to get to know. 

Often, it’s off to the internet you go, searching for validation that this is normal, answers to how long will grief last, and how can you make this hurt less.

But in the beginning of grief, the sheer pain and the disorientation don’t allow you to absorb much or be able to envision what coping might eventually look like.

This post is for that time. Those days when you have no idea how to function or feel human again. The days of pure survival. 

This isn’t about healing or coping or learning about grief. This is about reminding yourself that you are still human, you are still you, and that your brain, in fact, does still work. 

Take a Hot Shower

You might not have the energy to wash your hair or do your normal shower routine, and it’s ok if you don’t. Stand there. Feel the hot water on your skin. A very fundamental physical reminder that you can feel something other than pain. 

If you’re crying, let the water hit your face and notice that you can’t feel the tears pour out the same at that moment. Notice that your legs, that have felt too weak to even move, are now holding you up. 

Even when everything is upside down and backwards, a shower still feels good.

Watch a Favorite Movie

Not a new movie or one you’ve been wanting to see. Watch a movie that you know you’ve loved and have seen before, maybe a few times.

Connect with a part of you from before your loss, to remind yourself you’re still you. Maybe you’ve always laughed or cried at certain spots. Maybe you can recite the words. Maybe you really connect with a character. 

Give yourself the time to say, “I remember everything I love about this movie”. Although you might not feel like yourself right now, you can remember things you liked before and that feels familiar. Familiar is good.

Cook or Bake, Following an Easy Recipe

This doesn’t need to be elaborate. Tapping into a different part of your psyche, you want to remind yourself that with direction, you can think straight. You can be present and follow directions. 

I’m talking, google “5 ingredient cookie”, not making an elaborate dinner with ingredients you don’t already have. 

This is just about engaging your brain, for a short amount of time. Bonus that you’ll have something yummy to eat afterwards. 

Organize Something

A drawer, the glove box in your car, under the bathroom sink, your wallet, the refrigerator.

Take a relatively small task, complete it and have it feel refreshed when you’re done. This is about control. You decide what you want to tackle and you decide what to keep and what to toss. A reminder that you do have some controllables.

We know that when we’re not grieving, cleaning something and organizing can feel accomplished and reenergizing. We’re going for the same thing, but on a much smaller scale. 

One little tip: Don’t pick the drawer with reminders of your pet. Choose something for this task that is completely benign and won’t have foreseeable triggers involved. 

Take a Drive (or Have Someone Take You For A Drive)

Not a three hour Sunday drive, just a trip around your local area. If you’re not feeling safe enough to drive yourself, you can ask a trusted friend or family member. Ideally someone who is comfortable with sadness and silence.

Drive by places you know. (Again, strategically, don’t go ways you know might have triggers). At a time when it feels like you’ve been plucked off Earth and dropped on a different planet, you want to remind your brain of the familiar. 

Yes, your world is different. But there are still things that you recognize and know. You can remember that this is the traffic light that takes forever or that you have to purposefully slow down for the notorious curve coming up.

Simultaneously, there is new input. A tree might have been cut down in your neighborhood that you’re just noticing or the road is newly paved. Your neighbor might have a new fence or new baby goats in their field (personal experience). 

This is a reminder that when everything feels different and weird, and you’re inherently thinking about the past in grief, you are surrounded by both well-known experiences and completely new experiences. 

Life’s organic balance. 

These days of survival demand self compassion and a gentleness with yourself.