Coping through pet loss can feel like you’re on a road you never wanted to travel, with no clear destination or directions. It can be unpredictable and scary. This journey requires patience and compassion.
The truth is, grief is not a destination, but a place you must someday travel through when you love someone so deeply. Yet when grief arrives, no one gives you a map or answers on how to navigate this. Instead, you find yourself making your own map in a way that is unique to you.
It’s not about knowing how to get from point A to point B, but rather envisioning your path and identifying what helps comfort you and what doesn’t. You’re not just learning about grief, you’re learning about you.
What is meaningful to you and what your journey looks like doesn’t need to be perfect, and it’s not set in stone. It will evolve as you do, and offers guidance and objectivity through the uncertainty of grief.
Welcome to Grief
📍 You are here. You didn’t choose this path, but nonetheless you’re now navigating the twists and turns after a goodbye. Having a vision of what this journey might look like can help ease some of the fear of unknown roads ahead.
The Grief Roundabout
At the center of your journey is the roundabout nature of grief. You might feel like you’re circling the same emotions repeatedly — sadness, guilt, anger, disbelief, maybe even moments of peace, only to loop back around. This is normal.
Replaying memories or decisions, experiencing daily micro-losses and waves of deep sadness often keep you in the roundabout for a while.
Grief isn’t a straight line but rather a process of discovering and revisiting; processing and uncovering.
Exit 1 – Things That Do Seem to Help
This is where you start to figure out what brings even a small sense of comfort or that soothes the chaos of grief. Early on, this might feel elusive. Grief can make even familiar comforts feel distant. What soothes you today might not feel right tomorrow, and that’s okay. Over time, you’ll find the things that bring you more moments of peace or smiles.
These ideas will change and evolve as you continue on this journey — that’s normal. I recommend writing things down. Allowing your eyes and your mind to see that you are actually finding things that help, even a little bit, is reassuring. These are things to hold onto with hope for continued healing.
This might include:
- Holding onto or sleeping with your pet’s favorite toy, blanket, or their collar.
- Looking at treasured photos.
- Taking short walks in nature.
- Lighting candles
(for more ideas, click to read 22 Creative Ways to Honor Your Pet)
Exit 2 – Things That Aren’t Helpful at All
This is where you recognize what doesn’t feel helpful right now. Give yourself permission to step away from what doesn’t feel right. Avoiding certain things isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom. You’re protecting your heart while it heals.
You’re also compassionately giving yourself permission to say no to things that simply aren’t for you. This can give you a reprieve from society’s pressure to do “this” and it will help to move on quickly (e.g. get a new pet). That’s not how grief works.
Once you know what you’re sending off your journey to this section of grief town, that doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. You can always revisit if you change your mind. This is your map, after all.
This might include:
- Journaling, if it feels like a chore or it’s not something that feels authentic.
- Socializing and being around people who may not “get it”.
- Clearing out your pet’s things. You might find comfort in having bowls and beds still out around your home.
Exit 3 – Things You Want to Come Back To
Sometimes, you encounter ideas or suggestions for mourning that feel meaningful but not achievable at the moment. Maybe it’s too hard or maybe you have other life demands and can’t focus right now. Whatever the reason, this is your rest stop. A place to pause and come back to when you’re ready.
Grief can be overwhelming and you don’t need to pack every single idea into the first leg of the journey. There is all the time in the world.
This might include:
- Having artwork or jewelry created in your pet’s likeness.
- Volunteering at a shelter.
- Having a memorial service.
- Getting a tattoo
It’s Your Grief and Your Map
No one can dictate what your journey looks like or how long it takes. You’re creating your path toward healing, honoring the love you’ve shared with your pet, and finding ways to carry their memory forward.
So if grief isn’t a destination then where does the map lead? I think the map leads to learning to drive around with both love and loss in the car. The love they left within you has an indelible place in your heart. A continuation of the road where it’s easy to see their legacy within your spirit.
