Saying farewell to a cherished furbaby, or preparing to, is an indescribable pain. Yet pet loss is a disenfranchised grief, with society not always validating or acknowledging the profound significance. Ironically, pet loss myths are validated by widespread belief that they’re true without an attempt to fully understand.

If you’re reading this because you feel like you’re on an island of grief and no one sees you, please know that you are seen. There are people in the world who get it. Sometimes you just need to seek them out. 

If you’re reading this to try to understand why someone you love is “still grieving” or grieving so deeply, you deserve credit for wanting to understand and be a support. May reading this be a step on the path to continued understanding. 

This list of five pet loss myths is just a fraction of what could be a very long list. Sometimes these are society’s misconceptions and sometimes these things even creep into your own head while you’re grieving. 

Grief is weird like that. 

For those who may be reading this and have not known this type of connection and love, I highly recommend it. Though it almost always comes with the hefty price of a broken heart, it’s worth it.

Myth #1: It should not hurt as much as a human loss

Truth be told, ranking grief is pretty fruitless. The worst grief is the one you’re currently surviving through. 

But so many people in the world can’t understand how losing a cherished pet is the same, and can be worse, than losing a human in your life. 

Think about it this way… when you lose someone who has been an anchor, given you unconditional love and support, been by your side through ups and downs, needs you like a child does, listens to all your secrets, never judges you, and lives just to be in your presence… it’s pretty tough to lose that. 

I feel badly for people who don’t know that type of love. It’s a connection that humans simply can not replicate.

Myth #2: You can “get another one” and magically feel better

This is the solution that many people offer up as a magical potion to getting over grief. But this isn’t a favorite pair of sneakers where you can just go get another and all will be right with the world.

Not really how that works. 

I used to imagine someone’s grandparent passing and at the service a well meaning guest saying “I know you’re so sad. Have you looked into nursing homes at all? There are tons of lonely old people there looking for families.” 

It still makes me chuckle. Of course, no one would say that… to others. To pet parents, people have no problem saying it. 

After loss, some pet parents do open their hearts again. There’s not a right or wrong time frame and not everyone chooses to do so. But even when you open your door and heart to a new pet, it does not mean that grief is over, that the hurt is healed or that you’ll ever forget the one you lost. 

Myth #3: Your pet was very sick so the decision should be clear cut and easy

People often think this decision is a no-brainer and become bewildered as to why the decision to say goodbye is such an excruciating one.

Of course, it’s not their business and other people’s opinions matter as much as a screen door on a submarine, but I digress. 

Let’s myth-bust this one. The decision to say goodbye to someone who might very well be the most steadfast and loving, safe being in your life could never be easy. To reach deep into a place in your heart and say, “I’ll take on all the pain so you have none”, is the ultimate act of love and caring. 

Even when a pet is declining and you can see that they are not going to recover, ‘easy’ is still the wrong adjective. 

Myth #4: Gratitude for the time you had with your pet should make grief easier

Be grateful for the time you had together, that’s what matters. We’ve all heard it. I might even venture to say we almost even understand it. That’s the thing. We are grateful. Beyond grateful.

But gratitude doesn’t not negate sadness. It’s not the cure for the pain of grief. 

Humans are complex and we can be deeply grateful and deeply grieving at the same time. That’s usually how it goes. 

Does gratitude help along the way? It certainly can. But, especially at the beginning of grief, learning to live in a world without your beloved pet tends to be the sole focus. 

It’s hard to always muster up gratitude when tears spontaneously burst out of your eyes and your life feels completely rearranged.

Myth #5: You have other pets at home so the loss of one shouldn’t be a big deal

Every pet has so many unique characteristics. Different quirks, likes and dislikes, and personalities,. They are all unique.

The void when someone in your home has left is like a black hole. Other pets don’t fill the black hole, as if it doesn’t exist or just gets covered. They continue to stand by your side and face the black hole with you.

When a cherished pet family member is no longer physically there, everyone, including other pets, feels the change. 

Do the others still need care and enrichment? Of course, and that does feel purposeful. But often it highlights how different life is. Unless you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to imagine how having one less set of eyes gazing at you, one less mouth to feed or body to pet feels so foreign. 

Having other pets can be a blessing, but it doesn’t make grief easy.

Preconceived notions that we place on ourselves or that society does, become a jab to an already vulnerable broken heart. Pet loss grief myths are a distorted reality for some and can obscure the truth. The truth that there are no rules or assumptions for grief. For any grief, pet loss included.