The holiday season is typically associated with joy, celebrations, and togetherness. But for those who are grieving their beloved pet, this time of year can bring deep sadness, loneliness, and isolation. Supporting a grieving pet parent through the holidays is a profound way to show you genuinely care.
Surrounded by nearly constant festive cheer, bereaved pet parents can find themselves overwhelmed with complicated emotions, well-intentioned but unwelcome advice, and a desire to insulate themselves from joy that may feel very unrelatable.
When you’re grieving, the holidays are hard.
Supporting a grieving pet parent requires understanding and compassion. Grief doesn’t pause because it’s Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, or New Years. On the contrary, the holidays can amplify grief and longing.
I Want To Be a Good Support, But How?
It’s human nature when you love someone to not want to see them sad and hurting. While there is no fix for grief, certainly not in the form of holiday cheer, there are ways you offer your loved one support without judgment and compassion without being condescending.
Love, understanding, and respect can make the holidays a little less difficult for a mourning pet parent. Remember, pet loss is a unique grief; there is a deep emotional bond that is often not understood or validated by society at large.
Your willingness to want to show up and be a healthy support can make this time of year a little easier to bear for your loved one.
- Think before speaking. Don’t say anything that starts with “you should”, “just”, or “at least”.
- Avoid any bright-siding, platitudes or silver-linings. (Do not say they’re in a better place now, everything happens for a reason, be grateful they lived so long, or suggest getting another pet. Just don’t.)
- Instead of saying “How are you?” or “Sorry for your loss,” try asking “How are you managing?” or saying “I’m glad you’re here. I can’t imagine how hard things have been.”
- Reduce their obligations. (“I know you always make a pie, but I’m happy to make it for you this year if you want me to.”).
- Be an ally. Offer to help spoon-feed the rest of your friends and family what your loved one needs for support (e.g. don’t suggest getting another pet!).
- Understand they may need time alone and some space this year. NO pressure or judgment.
- Don’t be afraid to say their pet’s name and speak about them.
- Respect their boundaries. This isn’t about you.
- Make gatherings no pressure. (“Stay as short or long as you’d like to, we’re glad you’re here.)
- Offer a helping hand (“If you need anything done, I’m free this afternoon and can take something off your plate.”)
- I hope you’re able to find moments of peace and comfort this holiday.
- I know this season will be harder than most, and I’m thinking about you.
- I’ll always remember [name of their pet] and the joy they brought everywhere. (or a specific characteristic they had)
- Holidays are hard when you’re missing someone so much. I’m here if you need an ear or a shoulder.
- I hope you’re able to take things moment by moment, and that love comforts your heart.
- Check in with them, not to fix anything but to let them know you care.
- Offer to go for a walk or to the movies.
- Extend non-holiday invitations (“I’m heading to yoga class this weekend, you’re welcome to join if you’re up to it.”)
- If you’re looking for a gift, don’t shy away from pet remembrance gifts.
- Ask “Do you feel like just sitting together for a while? I’m here if you do.”
As with many challenging times in life, simple kindness from the people around you can truly make a difference. When supporting someone grieving the loss of their pet, the kindest thing you can offer is respect and non-judgment.
This year’s holiday might look different than last year, and it will likely be different next year as well. Your patience, understanding, and compassionate presence will be a welcomed gift to your loved ones’ grieving heart.
