Helping your child navigate pet loss can feel tricky. Especially when you’re deeply grieving as well. It’s not unsual if the loss of a beloved family pet is the first time you are faced with discussing death and grief with your child.
The good news is that kids are often stronger and more resilient than you might think. In fact, many children have an organically healthy way of processing grief after the loss of a pet.
It’s human nature to want to shield kids from the painful parts of life. When faced with grief, however, tackling it in a way that is concise, honest and validating helps them develop a healthy understanding of death.
They’ll thank you when they are grieving adults.
So, what are three of children’s basic needs in grief? (spoiler – it’s very similar to what adults need).
To be seen and heard
Kids need to know that their thoughts and questions are valued and that they matter. Keep an open dialogue, both before and after your pet has passed. Allow them to be involved as much as they choose.
They may have questions. A lot of questions. This is a child’s way of indicating that they want to talk about it.
Though it may be difficult, don’t shy away from the conversion. That is often how death becoming a taboo topic begins.
Normalize talking about everything that is happening.
To know that all the feelings are ok
Let your child see your emotions so they understand theirs are normal too. Kids model behavior after the adults in their life. Some learn that emotions are natural and okay to express, while others may feel they need to suppress their feelings to protect loved ones from their pain.
Don’t forget to check in with kids regularly. Just like adults who are grieving, emotional check-ins slow down drastically as days go by. That can feel like there are less and less opportunities to talk about their grief.
Being sad together and experiencing joyful moments together while you’re grieving is crucial to getting through the loss of your pet. Together.
Children can balance grief and joy in a very organic way. Playing and laughing one moment and feeling sad the next. This natural balance can be confusing for parents, but (as per the usual) there’s much we can learn from how children do life.
To Actively Remember Their Pet
Children are drawn to using creativity as a positive outlet for their emotions when grieving the loss of a beloved pet. Their natural inclination is to outwardly mourn and find ways to remember their furry friend, which becomes their path to healing grief.
Finding ways to honor your pet together with your child can be a special process. Planning memorials, creating keepsakes, or establishing new traditions are all meaningful ways to commemorate the love you shared with your pet.
These are not just reminders of loss but reminders of love your family had with your pet.
It goes without saying that you know your little person the best. Keep the other adults in their life (teachers, coaches, friend’s parents) in the loop as well, so that support is coming from every direction.
If you’re particularly concerned about some aspect of their grief, speak to their physician. You can also visit The Dougy Center for additional information on supporting all ages of children in their grief.
